Love.

From the  realms  of  my existing  soul

and the nights that were spent alone

from the swirling of the water

and the falling of the rain drops

till the days quickly can come

to an end

and till the depth eyes can see

you and nothing else

from my longings and every day prayers

in the want to find the love

to complete what I was born to do

till the deepest fears heart knew

would be covered when that smile shines

from thousand different distances

to crossing the paths with you

stretching over the years without you

to the craving of listening to your soulful voice

from the deepest heart of my soul

to the hollow realities that lay

naked without you

knew a part of you which was

always with me

kept a part of you which was always with me

kept memories of you oh love

in a want to finally get you

had lived my life to wait for you to come

to come and love me and take me home .. .

--

A.

Visited

Silent I was lying in my bed

Letting the free time to lead

Through a deep melancholy of moments lived

Came along images, smiles, laughter, fear in black and red

Stayed on voices in the ears, some words hard to forget  

Passion led life swirled down the lips

 Came along a call

And life differed away from the plight

While visited me all this while and came to my room

only the moon of the mighty night sky. ..  

--

A.

What makes up Writings in the Heart ?

To revel in anonymity of Else

can never be the leading way

of knowing your Self ...

Words I believe have always been derived from what we see, imagine and dream about.

When I saw, I captured. When I captured, I could write.

Photography happened to me because I wanted to write about the things I came across since writing was a primordial part of me. 

Also when at the end of the day I would casually go throw the pictures I had taken, I would get strong impulses to write about things I had seen, about beliefs I have explored and the people I had met.

Slowly and gradually, the collection of the pictures  had became a warehouse of stories for me, of real and distant things, of true and false beliefs, of dreams and realities, of everyday life and of beautiful hope that reflected in the smiles of some of the faces I had captured.

So I became deeply attached to the collection of pictures I had on my laptop, or on my cell phone. They were not merely pictures which would get deleted with time. They were taken from life to depict life under the sky which has probably seen ages of life under it.

So that’s how my passion for photography took up and shaped. Though I had inclinations of learning all the technicality of taking professional photographs but I didn’t want to spoil the feel of it. Often when you try to make a passion perfect, you shape and change it. And then the impulsiveness and creativity draws away because we constantly try to make the angle perfect, or the simply we start thinking.

I wanted to be free of thought when I took photographs in a way that would let me capture anything and everything I wanted without putting in efforts to take it perfectly. So I chose to keep it heart-felt and raw.

My first book (The Unspoken Thoughts) that’s why was a tribute to this free will of taking pictures and I complied each one of them with a poem I had written. And there it was my first published picture-poetry book. Also when one would see the picture, they would get the idea behind the words in the poem.

Photography was the sight for my writings. And till now they make me write and would continue to do so. Also when you revel in the nuances of self, you grow. And so does your sight and photography! 

Fights

Whats it about a fight

that never seems to make things right

initially its a rage of emotions flowing fast apart

gets torn from your arms and on to the person

love shared person gets the hang of the ill words spoken

and the words start to fire up

when it could have been a great night's love

fights are unavoidable, yet could be dealt with calmly

to deal how is tough to learn

to deal why, is easily termed

to deal right is you and your partner's concern

but to make love triumph, all the troubles adjourned

you got to hold close, 
a charm-ful heavy love mad dose... ;) 

A.

The beauty of the life is to wait for things to happen to you, while moving on .

A.

A journey for the In-side

Prayer is like flying

May not always take you to the desired height always

But for the moment when in the sky

It lets you fly high and

Be in union with your heart and will

Praying is an unmissable ceremonious part of our Indian religious culture but it is one of the most innate feelings that human beings are born with. A prayer is not necessarily reading of scriptures for a particular duration or chanting of mantras known to one but it is the art of speaking out internally a message, desire or a wish that you want to or have already realised in life.

If we can manage to say a prayer in silence of our mind no matter in which situation we might be in, by staying in accord with our mind, body and soul at the same time, then not only it takes the soul on a spiritual journey but also helps in sorting out conflicting thoughts; which when not taken positively can stay in our mind, enter our daily life and gradually yield negativity in almost all our activities.

At times when faced with a situation with no personal time and the feeling of ‘blue stuck in grey’(when barring yourself, everything else surrounding you seems to be grey, lacking life, vigour and enthusiasm) catches your soul then saying even a small prayer cuts you off from the world and its happenings at the remotest levels.

To say that prayer, one would speak or utter to one’s self anything that comes from within, even a mere stating of how you are feeling to your own self at that time would bring about a small level of awareness about self’s feelings. And on the other hand you would be giving that tiny bit of private time to yourself while carrying out all the roles and relationships that you are actively a part of.

By saying a prayer anytime every day, bit by bit you move on to know your self better. What you say out, what you see inside after closing your eyes and what your internal voice utters out to you and ultimately to the creator, generates a part of your self which is aware not just of the routine work or duties you are required to do but also of the person who was once born and had his/her own likes and dislikes to exercise and dreams to achieve and cherish as he/she grows up as a part of the scheme called life.

Also, “when risen handholding the awakened self, trivialities bother much less.”

-

A.

From Else to Self

To revel in anonymity of else

can never be the leading way

to know your self

eyes are opened and the existence awakes

future, like instincts is made known

when actualised by practising beliefs

invisible, like thoughts is the silence

that inherits the shadows of many

puts a realisation in self ...

acquire at any moment one can but

the land bearing the present two steps

chant through unspoken eyes one can

but the lived verses of life...

worshipped thus wholly every religion 

when eyes  are blinked immersed in faith 

religion like senses imbibes mystics of

volition in beings..

atheist or not, religion is but to live

everyday where be the temple of life

with unending roof of protecting sky ..

from death came life, from sky came land

from eveil came love, from dark came light

and from else came self...

arms are stretched and all religions embraced

steps do touch the first thing in the morn

and the land is thus respected

slumber wakes up a dream

an dthe dream wakes up life

when ever eyes are opened, wakes up the self

to rebel in restrictions of self

is a free way  of knowing

Self amongst Else ...

A.

(Kailash Mansarover)

Love is far reaching, the most lightest in appeal,

brings you to life that mind sometimes fails to reveal ..

A.

When risen handholding the awakened self, trivialities bother less .

The last solace

whay lay forgotten lays far beneath

forget heart can't what it sow

a look when falls on the life now so raw

cries out heart, seeks no existence

and ripped stands life devoid of soul

when the last solace draws black upon the hopes

life complicates, love falls, and the world drowns

nothing changes the will of the dead heart

no more the scarings haunt the scared

nothing comes when sole reason to live shatters

no sound, no words coming out of the mouth stands true

when the last solace draws black on blue

whay lay ahead can not be the same

life after all proved to be a pain

how all wishes can come true was often

the thought of the innocent heart

now after ages the life has become dull

shine restorative by none

how to sit up and how to look

wish could turn to the ages of two

the last solace

had his heart belonged to another

the words now banging in my head forever

hurt am not, nor am i sad

ripped i am of the soul i had once felt

they say

as we sow, so we reap

life played again its old game

coined a fool with love petal name

silence of the creation is met with

when the last solace leaves you alone amidst

it was just a beginning , a realization crew

never knew it would strike so hard in the heart

with the pain drops, coated blue

writing, oh solace i now name you

take me back to when i was not created

my love, my trust, my faith when lay not insulted

call me back to you , take me along with you , make me smile

and say to me to live my life

when you have found a reason for me here

when you can heal my heart which lay open

take me back

this is not me, can not be

take me back to the ages of two

and send me afar where nothing feels blue .

..

Flight

Life is not about presenting a perfectly balanced picture,

its about being able to stand when you could have easily fallen down .. .

 

 

 

 

A.

The Mystical Night

A morn can sometimes be

But a night will continue to be a dream .. .

A thought is awake and the subject sleeps
A silence is worn and the desire wakes up

A dream is lashed down and the arena unexplored

A morn can sometimes be

But a night will continue to be a dream .. .

 

The eyes are sealed in anonymity and the vision lighted

strange situations, stranger people , and unspoken glances

an emotion is felt with closed eyes

and the whole world is made real in the closed yet broad

arena of imagination ..

 

imagination many a times when practiced in life 

can be made true 

but it might be the thought of imagination that naturally came to come true ..

thoughts with a strong belief , will let us explore

the dark vibrant shadows of the night 

 

However, a morn can sometimes be 

but a night will continue to be a dream .. 

 

(+)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A.

Nature-Call

Our noise, words get silenced up when nature's play is easily heard .

A.

Time- Line

 If time doesn't help to do what you want to, get the rest of the forces along.

There would be moments when no matter what you do and how hard you try, and yet things don't seem to get put together and lined up straight the way we want them to . So what goes so terribly wrong that we just can't sort them out and have our way!! Is it the way things were meant to happen to us or its just that the right time hasn't come for that thing to happen for us ? Is it hundred percent destiny that rules out all our efforts or is it a formed misconception that most of us have grown up to believe?

Life becomes as we want it to because thoughts we possess create our lives and influence those close to us. Thus when time seems not to favor up at all, we must adhere to our senses and bring all other forces along so that they strengthen the power within, in every aspect. So that when the next time we wake up to make it our day, we would know we are not hollow and dependant only on the created factor we refer to as time.

 
 Create.

  

 Explore Self.

Discover.

 

Nurture.

Play.

Love.

A.

Thought-Point

Often we believe in things that have left an imprint on our soul in any way.

This belief becomes stronger as we grow up . The factors that lead to formation of that belief however seem to fade away from our memories. What are memories made up of ? Who all have the power to create the living moments in us that merely by closing the eye we can re-live them any time of the day.

Memories must be kept with proper care. Bad ones can let you down to the extent of you abhoring yourself and good ones can heal you up.

And yet whichever way it be, nothing holds us closer to this life than memory .

A.

Atari-Wagah Border

Cutting Distances

When the feet bangs the earth in the ceremonious rhythm of patriotism

reason , will, let alone our contriving hindsight

falls short to let see the cryptic plight ..

Rack and ruin or the bow and the salute

the thrill and applause at the historical Wagah Border never runs acute

from the humble times to the present act of outdoing each other

lowering of the flag has become the cause of another grave matter

Performances with such grave enmity and aggression

throbbing of the hearts to the claps and applauds of the public

threads those feelings that are bought up to include hatred

a sense of negative nationalism for the other side

where it leads on to, what aim it serves

lies not known

and rest oh life, history adds on ...

And rest oh life, history adds on

those cutting distances which are not being shortened on ..

That which was marked to end the enmity between both the neighboring nations

is now sparkling with a vicious ceremonious act which consumes when

performed

drilling in each the highest sense of patriotism

but when hindsight is seen from close

lay in it the rotten, rather soured hearts filled with dilemmas

and unanswered questions as to why such ferocity is taken up

in something so humble and admiring as lowering the flag down

Gives away the Retreat Ceremony something so negative

which often the geography, history or the manipulation adds on ...

when the doors are banged across the face in aggression

reason, will, let alone our contriving hindsight

falls short to let see the cryptic plight

And rest oh life, the history adds on..

those cutting distances which are not being shortened on.... .

--

Akanksha

Caught !

past ran away the inhibitions
new came along all revealations
tip-toed that chasing silence came to an end
zig-zag we ran our traces we left a trail of

follow me, follow me not
for, past ran away myinhibitions
speak to me, speak to me not
new I am , here for what you are

criss-cross, you kept your stare on the bed
zip-zap and high flew away
the days never to end

be with me, be with me not
have named you for divinity

hold me , hold me not
life ties strong, to behold and belong

ages, years and all crazy distances
what was never a possibility
appeared what a mere dream
created that in me a dream
has come alive
with the beat of the heart
where one cannot wait for the days to start .. .



A.

Impatient Tidings .. .

For today I want to be unstructured, unstructured in my writing, unstructured in my thought process, unstructured in my life, unstructured about the things I do and almost everything.

Yes, I am at this vantage point in my life right now, from where I can see my college corridor . .

Its unusually empty as I see it right at this moment.. and as I am stepping on to find my old teachers, I can see none, the classrooms are empty , I had thought I would just barge in when I see Renu Ma’am teaching and surprise her.. but its all empty .. Then I decide to check up the canteen thinking that at least I would be able to have my favorite Apple pie and then when I finally go in there, I see that the canteen is almost empty except for some office people lying down in one of the corners and catching up on their sleep probably after having their lunch for the day.. And I realize, bloody hell, its vacation time… and I was expecting whole bunch of my favorite teachers, food items to be all there … crazy…

And then as there were not many people in the college and the sky was killer today .. . all containing clouds of various forms and depths.. and there I go .. I just took my camera out and was soon enjoying being in the space I was a part of for three long years..

LSR gave away a lot to me.. in shaping up my thinking the way I always wanted to .. . helped me realize that in life if you want to walk you way, you got to take your own steps…

And then I sat down in one of the gazebos for some time and was just thinking of how life has transformed from LSR to becoming a part of an MBA institution… something which was totally un-thought of by me and now I have grown so okay with it that its stopped surprising me when I tell people that I am doing MBA.. Also, its not that bad as I always thought it to be.. . Ya, we form perceptions all the time..

But also so many times when things happen to us in life, they don’t happen to prove us wrong, they happen to make us realize that there is something right in everything we thought was wrong …

Over the time I have also vanquished my instinctive calm and now more often I stick on to impatience which only ends up making me feel not quite like myself and then I wonder.. I always wonder when the day wakes up that .. hey .. what the hell is going on with you girl… you were always the calm, subtle, vibrant and the patient types and now you follow your impulses a way too frequently and also if you want something, you just want it then and there and if that doesn’t happen you totally lose interest and want to forget about those things and people.. I mean hold on … breathe… just take a nap in the quilt.. hold on … .

I don’t know if my attempts have been valiant even a bit but I so sometimes feel like I could be a part of those ancient Valhalla’s whenever I tend to become impatient and could come back to life when am myself and not ruled so much by my impatience.. .

Okay .. now why the hell I am making it such a big deal if I get impatient.. well, it just doesn’t stop there.. When I am impatient and suppose I want to talk to this friend but because of x,y, z reason I am not able to .. And then what happens..?

I should understand and try and catch up the next time .. Right ? Hell no! With me, its like If I cant do that thing right then and there , and seek satisfaction in being impulsive, I lose interest and just want to jump to conclude things with friends.

Though off lately I have so stopped myself to do that. But this is so unlikely of me to even think on such lines.. This really bothers me a lot sometimes.. . I mean do I even realize how much its going to be a matter of shock to the other person when I suddenly behave like I don’t even wanna know them anymore, and all in the name of impatience..

I mean its not worth it .. . cutting off people just like that.. just coz of one impulsive moment .. you cut off everything and what do you end up doing .. hurting people you so thought you want to care for.. .

So for now, I am so gonna try and forget my impatience behind the valance and look out for it when I know that I am impulsive enough to throw it out in the trash .. ..

Impulsiveness I know I can never avoid. :)



Akanksha Chaudhary

9/07/09

what to do if not love?

Of all the times when you feel high and low, of all the places you want to be and not, of all the sides in a person you get to see or not, breaking up is one hell of a feeling which leaves your room soon enough not .. .

Breaking off the friendly chord that once dragged the nights in to a series of laughing riots or breaking up with the person whom you thought you would be able to simply love forever causes no less pain than even when one chooses to talk about it to friends and try and get over it . Don’t know if it relieves of the anger and the sadness point within but yes by talking about it you do once again bend on to live those very moments you thought were the sweetest ones in your life. And that doesn’t help at all!!

It just brings back.

So what to do in such a terrible situation when every hour seems to be jumping outta the clock and reminding you of that time?

Time passed. Time spent. Time lived.

If its such an awful state to be in then why do people get in to relationships at all? What is it that changes the whole charm of being with that person later on? Is it that we grow out of love just like that or is it that we have seen all the sides of that person, got to know all that we could have about that person that we somewhere start looking elsewhere to find something more deeper and new. Or is it that our priorities change or so we believe and since we can’t commit either that we break up?

In matters of love of any kind or form, we just trust ourselves and we don’t wanna see or believe in what’s been happening to people around us. And one thing that we surely don’t need at that time is > advice. We believe we can handle our own relationships well .And so we put all our trust that is there to put in that person. Also we become a better person , as in more caring, more loving and more understanding . In normal situations we might not have tried so hard to see things the way the other person sees but when we know that we love someone we really try hard so that we don’t jump over or oversee any stair that is there to climb to touch up that person deep down.

How important that person becomes and all the elements of our life start revolving around the energies created and shared by that person . And then when they are withdrawn, its empty how we feel and its crazy that we do.

Investing yourself again in another person either comes in very quickly or it takes a lot of time because we develop trust issues. Love knocks in again. We are made such that we cannot not love. And it could happen again.

After being in love for the second time, when we are still reminded of the experiences/words from the first relationship sometimes then again we miss a beat. But more importantly we know we barely would want that person back again. They were what they were to us once. The World.
And now someone else has come in and they are pushing the roads for us. And why wont we walk with them when they showing us the way?

Things about the past are hard to forget and shouldn’t be forgotten. What needs to be remembered is the fact that they did give us something good, something bad , something fun, something mad. We all play roles. Love roles. Friend roles. Silent roles. And sometimes we create roles too.

And life isn’t one extended role.

It’s a series of things that happen all around and within us and we are surrounded constantly by several energies around us. Sometimes we pick on the right one and get it passed on to us for all the good reasons. We get a new role for our self and we create another for the other person. Life evolves and plays constantly. Nothing lasts forever and nothing is meant to be forever.

What happens, happens here on this very planet. And some force connects us all in strange ways. It takes away and brings back. It re-bonds and rejuvenates. It makes life. And accidental pairs. Pairs that play on till the last breath lasts. Pairs that learn of loving as the dew drops make for a new start just to let your little heart know that the world would never fall apart.