A wish that once was.. .

The wish that once was.. .

A wish is mine and a wish is yours
what I do calling my own reflects you oh love
a part of me alone where I get to see not..

"That's my wish!" or "I am going to do what I want to" sounds quite assuring when one is going through the ‘am strengthening myself’ phase of their life.. Asserting our self, our thoughts and then finally our own identity on to an altogether new set of conditions and people in life can really end up complicating almost everything .

Now what’s really this ‘my wish’? Does it exist at all? Or do we always get to do what we want to? During the self actualization phase when we seemingly do things that we want to, are we really taking decisions and stepping on our own footprints or unconsciously after being influenced by family, friends and situations we are doing what might be the reflection of many ideologies that we have agreed on to or not while on our way to get to know life?

Well, yes, life is surely a question!

Sometime back I got down to think that life is not really a mystery and there are really no unknown passages or secret doorways that we are destined to unravel as and when the right time comes.. and also came above to believe that through knowing the meaning of our dreams we can really get to know which way life is going to lead us… and also the possibility of knowing whom are we going to come across in life..

Now when I believed in my dreams, they really guided me well.. To let my conscience know I even started writing my dreams the moment I woke up.. and that really sorted out things in my heart for true. After a week or two.. I did get to know something about the people in my life, about places am yet to discover and about people I am yet to meet. All this was going great and I was so close to strengthening my self and thoughts.

But reality got me and after a while I realized that the reality, the immediate surrounding that we live in has such a strong presence that it can extricate us from our deepest past and melancholy and from the thoughts and vision of our most passionate future. What actually gives the present so much of power over the most adamantine possession that we have: thoughts?

What is with us really is. And what is not, can be but not right away.

The present, which has people walking , talking, eating, laughing and just doing something has a certain motion and a force about it that it seems to bring back one from the past they wish to live in or from the future that they dream of. It says ‘ am right here, take me’. And since this force is sitting right there with the time and you got to face it the moment you wake up, it tends to make seem all the dreams as dreams alone. Something seen when there is not much active force surrounding us. And once the mysterious charm of tracking down life through unknown ways and unspoken glances is questioned and asked to justify its presence, well the wall comes in and therein dissolves all the thoughts bridging the present with the future.

Acceptance without questioning, not everyone can do.

And those who can accept it can really live their life. . because at night when we lose our self to sleep , we dream.. its the only thing that comes our way unasked.. it knocks on our door and silently takes us away and makes us experience.. it asks us not our wish… but represents it somewhere in the moments that it makes us to live… that’s how a wish is truly expressed ..


and the same goes for people in our life.. we can go on saying every single day ‘hey that’s my wish or I wanna do it that way’ but just like in our actions of so called ‘following our own will’ we reflect the wishes of our dear ones and so do they… just that we don’t get to know this that easily.. and even if we do.. well… do we really believe that ? Naa… !! We don’t wanna make life issueless.. right?

A wish when seen by another wish remains no more a dream. What is not a dream, becomes the present, a reality..



Akanksha Chaudhary

do i hear you say.. ' move on .. . '

‘ I don’t know’ when becomes the answer to every question asked, then every answer that comes to voice becomes uncertain . .

In life we often say, it was destined or whatever happened was for good only or that when past starts to hurt, we should learn from it and move on.

Moving on. . ? what really do we mean by that or for how long can we even get on to follow that in our routine. If for a day one is with the friends taking a day out and in the process of laughing out with the same intensity of old habit one may also even feel that they have already moved on, because they can now laugh at least.

Laughter is one thing when it comes to you , it will always take away..

The sadness.. the bothersome thoughts.. the present thought process of mind.. the deep melancholy.. the sad songs which one repeatedly would listen to .. takes away all ..

Now all of these indulgences often allow us to become unusually quiet.. not really peaceful though!! In that quietness, if we keep on chasing the inner world of memories, spoken words, unanswered questions, unmet glances or fortunate coincidences or the lived happier moments , we lose our self. Often we do things because we wanna lose our self. Listening to music comes handy and takes not even a thought.

Sometimes living in memories brings back a smile , sometimes heart feels sad as to why would some people make life so complicated for themselves.. more than situations do, people complicate their own self.. by breaking away from their own identity.. stepping upon their own beliefs.. doing things that give momentary happiness.. and being with people with whom they can just hang around with and have fun.. this is surely a part of moving on for them.. no more they would claim that they are not emotionally attached to the person they are with at the moment. .

So does moving on teaches one to be emotionally conservative . .? skeptical.. ?
To a certain level we tend to be careful not to show our emotions as openly and naturally as we might have earlier when we knew what do people need to move on and far about ..!
If conservatism allows not the free expression when two people are together, would that relationship then work out.. ? It might if the other person is not in the phase of moving on as such and can always be extra loving, extra caring and extra almost every emotion that makes believe in life and love. So what if the extra effort is expected from your side and you are already so emotionally consumed that all you wanna do is think and talk about anything but relationship and commitment..

You just wanna be yourself and yet not because you are being careful this time .. and yet every next time it would always in the beginning make feel that , may be this time its true. Its always the next time as the statistics would show. 


So why do we needa bank upon such negative experiences in life which would leave us with nothing but a skeptical attitude where in just because the first time we came across a different ( WRONG!! ) person , now we would try and judge the authenticity of every thing said, and done by this second person ( second becomes first, coz if it as any true, the first one still would have been there.. !!)

Moving on …
The more we would think of it n try and really move on.. the more it would stick on to us.. and consume us.. instead if we give it some time.. talk it out .. and not just try and push it somewhere deep inside our body.. it will gradually come out in the open and would just dissolve peacefully.. when we talk and share with the closest person in our life.. it feels good… it works the same way around..

You give moving on all the shit it wants.. just talk it out.. do your part.. and without making it a whole topic of discussion out there and seeking sympathy.. just a li’l time for your self and with your self shall do the magic.. and leave one feeling all afresh.. people come in our life and go.. some stay.. and that’s how it is.. we can make them happy while they are with us.. so that when they are gone n some other day , after the second one also seems to be the different ( wrong) person.. and we lie down yet again on our bed n close our eyes.. playing the same old song and relaxing in our deep melancholy … we don’t end up chasing the sadness in our memories again but could actually think of the happier moments and cherish .. and go to sleep with all the warmth and hope and the lyrics of our fav. songs playing in our dreams…


Life is a thought.. we can have it right within..


Akanksha Chaudhary ..

Of all the things we notice and not.. ..

when we see things and people not, they see us.. ..

this one after a long time is for a friend, i don't know if i can even call him a friend, for, almost all the part of the journey I didn't even take notice of his presence but knew that that person knows about me being in the same cruise. I was lost, i was looking at the water and trying to serach something out. Of course, at such times, we never know what we are searching for... so i am no exception.

why am i writing this.. ? well, there need not be a reason to write a thought. And yesterday night, while almost putting myself to sleep , I missed a smile. A genuine one. One that assures you that no matter where you go in this wide world there are still people who would smile at you especially on a day when you need that reassuring gesture may be from your best of friend but when it suddenly , unexpectedly comes from a stranger, then heart becomes vibrant witha thought that indeed world is not such a bad place to live in..

this happened, i mean this realization came in port blair, while was heading off to ross island.. was just remerbing ths friend, this stranger, who was so interested in photography that even when we were left stranded on the island with no boat, no electricity around, nothing to our rescue and people were getting panicky, then he stood some steps away from me, smiling. He said nothing, so i thought i should ask something.

So in my LSR accent that almost got me laughing i asked.. "wats lyke d time..' .. ... got us both laughing..



Akanksha..